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Application Form for Politicians
Application Form To Be Filled For Contesting our Elections
 1. Name of Candidate : _______________________
 2. Present Address
 (i) Name of Jail : _______________________
 (ii) Cell Number : _______________________
 3. Political Party : _______________________
 (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological (Order)
 4. Sex: [ ]
 A - Male
 B - Female
 5. Nationality: [ ]
 A - Italian
 B - Indian
 6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
 A - Defected
 B - Expelled
 C - Bought out
 D - None of above
 E - All of above
 7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
 A - To make money
 B - To escape court trial
 C - To grossly misuse power
 D - To serve the public
 E - I have no clue
 (if you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognized 
 Government Psychiatrist)
 8. How many years of public service experience do you possess?
 A - 1-2 yrs
 B - 2-6yrs
 C - 6-15yrs
 D - 15+yrs
 9. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as 
 Additional Sheets as you want)
 10. How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
 (Do not confuse with question 8)
 A - 1-2 years
 B - 2-6 years
 C - 6-15 years
 D - 15+years
 11. Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
 A - Why not
 B - Of Course
 C - Definitely
 D - I deny it all
 E - I see a foreign hand.
 12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
 A - 100-500 Crores
 B - 500-1000 Crores
 C - Overflow...
 (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)
 13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
 A - No
 B - No
 C - No
 D - No
 14. Describe your achievements in space provided: [_________]
 Thumb Impression of candidate
 (Not that of the person who filled the form)

apne politicians 

Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Sonia are on a long flight in an Air Force plane. 
Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 
note out and make someone down below happy." 
Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee 
note, I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two 
people down below happy." 
Of course Sonia doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she 

in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.1 notes and throw them out to make 
100 people just a little happier." 
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't 

it anymore, comes out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this 
plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!" 


Purane Zamane ki baat hain. Indira Gandhi wanted Zail Singh and Buta Singh 
to learn English. She sent them to the UK warning them that if they did not 
learn in 6 months she will have them shot. In UK both forget about learning 
till the time to go back comes. 
Now when they return to India, the PM calls them for an interview. Zail 
Singh forces Buta to go in first. Indira Gandhi writes a big 'M' on the 
blackboard. After scratching his beard Buta says " M! M for mother." He 

the nod from the PM and comes out beaming with pride. As usual Zail Singh 
pleads to tell what happened inside and Buta explains. 
Now comes Zail Singh's turn. He goes in. There is a big 'W' on the board. 
Zail Singh fidgets for some time and there cries out, "Lagdi to Bute di maa 
hai, par ulti tangi pai hai!" 


Once Lallo Prasad Yadav Went to america. Bill Clinton treated him very 
nicely and arranged for his stay in the very best hotels. He took him for 
dinner in the very best of resturants, but naturally Laloo had to go to the 
loo. So Bill showed him the latest toilet with electronic buttons. When he 
pressed the 1st button two hands came and took of his pants and underwear, 
then he finished what he had come for. Then the 3rd button made the two 
hands arrive again and wash him. Another button made him wear his pants. 

after a long stay Laloo went back home. After some time Bill came to india. 
Now Laloo was very upset because he knew what kind of toilets existed here. 
But he said he would manage somehow. When Bill came he wanted to go to the 
loo too and so Laloo showed him the way to the toilet. Bill saw 5 butttons 
inside very similar to those in the American toilet. He was impressed and 
used them the the same way. He came out satisfied and expressed 

on the toilet and the fact that the hands were very realistic. Meanwhile, 
Laloo Prasad Yadav quickly washed his hands! 


This was in 1988 during Rajiv Gandhi and Zial Haq days. Once when Rajiv 

to Pakistan on a state visit , Haq showed him the state-of-the-art 

system of Pakistan. Rajiv Gandhi even made a call to hell and spoke to his 
mother Indira Gandhi for about 10 minutes. The bill came to just 1 

Rupee and he was highly impressed by Pakistan's telephone system. After 
coming back to India he ordered the ministry of communications to come up 
with an equally good system in record time so that he too could show it to 
Zia Haq. Indeed when the Pakistani came to India , Rajiv Gandhi showed him 
the telephone system. Zia Haq spoke to Bhutto in hell for about 10 minutes. 
The bill came to 300 Indian Rupees. Zia Haq made a sarcastic remark about 
the cost of the call to hell being so expensive . Rajiv Gandhi was furious 
and wanted to know why the call to hell was so expensive. The engineers 
immediately discovered the reason - a call to hell from India is a long 
distance call, but from Pakistan its a local call only!! 


Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by 

private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out 
shouting,"This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes 

there are five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian 
Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." 
Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped 
off the plane. 
Sonia Gandhi said,"Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very 
important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped. 
Laloo Yadav said,"I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest 
politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in 

country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went 

the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane. 
The old saint said to the school boy,"There is only one parachute left, and 
there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You 
take the last parachute and jump." 
The school boy said,"Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with 
us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my 
school bag!" 


When Lalloo completed 25 years of his rule over Bihar, he wanted a special 
postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed Rabridevi, 
stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly 
released, and Lalloo was pleased. But within a couple of days of release of 
the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking 
properly, and became furious. He called Rabri and ordered her to 

the matter.Rabri checked the matter out at several post offices, and then 
reported on the problem to Lallo Prasad. She said: "The stamp is really of 
international quality. The problem is, our people are spitting on the wrong 


Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif. 
They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes. 

Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to 
giveup all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached! The world is 
stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 
years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours. "Sab 
Akai TV - waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge 

fridge free milega, video khareedein to cellphone free milega... tho ham 

Nawazbhai se keh diye: "Aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath 
mein Bihar free milega, bas!" 


Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business 
Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar 
>and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we 
>turn it into the next Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are 
>very inefficient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan 
>the next Bihar!" 
>Laloo Hamara Neta 
>What would be changed if Laloo Prasad becomes India's Prime Minister: 
>National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai... 
>National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta 
>National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk 
>National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar 
>National Sport : Milking Buffalo (morning), Buffalo Race (evening) 
>Corporate Language : English-va 
>National Toy : A. K. 58 
>National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen 
>National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman 
>National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart 
>National Recreation : Pro-creation 
>Laloo's Slogan: 
>Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo, 
>Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo 
>Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with Reagan. Reagan said, 
>want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come with me." 
>Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground." 
>Zail Singh digs. Reagan says, "More, more, more." 
>Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet. 
>Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?" 
>Zail Singh, "I got a wire!" 
>Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have 
>Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India. In India 
>GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!" He takes 
>Reagan to a forest and ask him to dig. 
>After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!" 
>Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet. 
>Zail Singh says, "Find anything?" 
>Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!" 
>GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone WIRELESS!"